Hectic, Hazy, Dazed Days

Hmm....and where to begin....again? Let us start from the beginning of my mind's eye.

Thus far, I have settled into my new life of a working RMT nicely. I quite enjoy going in for massages & hearing the great feedback. I love not spending every waking minute with my nose in a text book or feeling guilty for having fun! Most of all I suppose I truly do enjoy helping people. As with every new stepping stone in life I cautiously feel out the footing before carefully putting my weight down for a committed step. I annoy myself by doing this, sure I usually end up seeing every possible angle or outcome before I leap, but how fun can such a calculating person be? *L* I still find myself longing to be the kind of person who really doesn't worry as much as me, but I can't complain about my life, I have learned so much.

I am now a woman of 31, just finished an intense course to start my career in the health profession, newly engaged & living away from my hometown. I don't feel 31, I certainly don't look it! Parts of my biological clock tell me I SHOULD be having babies, my mind tells me I want to do other things. Maybe I am at another crossroads in my life. I noticed that when the major changes in my life happen, there's usually a new realization of things. A sort of down in the dumps feeling that simply perplexes me. These are times that I should be celebrating, enjoying & living life to the fullest. Instead I feel awkward & think about all the things that I should be doing with even more time to think now that I am suffering a bout of transient insomnia . No doubt I always straighten up after a few weeks & hit my new stride again, I always do. But the transition periods are not very fun are they?

Lately, I have really been enjoying Twitter to give myself a much needed boost. It's just IMHO that Facebook seems to be a huge portal for negative posts & being sucked into reading all the juicy gossip that floats about amongst my friends. After feeling out Twitter-land I find myself opened up to a whole new kind of group! All I had to do was add random people that tweeted things I liked & "retweet" what they have to say, I have found myself a pseudo positive army. Everyday I go on Twitter & find myself attracting more followers who re-tweet what I say just because they like what I put on there! Who knew I would get my motivations for being a good person & staying positive from a social media site from people I will probably never meet?!? Gone are the days when I feel I must accept certain friend request & keep them on my friends list only because it's less of a headache for me. I mean I still do that, but now I have Twitter to counteract the craziness on Facebook.

As I sit typing on my netbook, texting & blackberry messaging on my phone, making connections with strangers around the world in my 2 bedroom apartment with 3 TV's and almost every luxury-turned-necessity in the new millennium. (Except a dishwasher *grumble grumble*) I hear my dad's words in my head, he likes to tell us that his father Eddie Patsey Sr. would have been amazed at all the technology. I imagine a simpler time of my parent's youth, or even my youth. Before cell phones & when kids still went out ALL day, came back filthy in time for dinner with no parents up in arms about bacteria, name brand clothes, allergies or latest outbreak scare. I see my late grandfather sitting on a porch, enjoying a simple cup of coffee, thinking about his youth. To his eyes all of this might have been amazing. Yet, to me I still want the better car, flat screen TV, blue ray, new Coach handbag & home in North Vancouver. I wonder what this says about me and my generation.

I think sometimes, maybe if I lived in a simpler time I wouldn't be so worrisome & calculating. Then again, maybe those are my gifts that I have been blessed with & just not yet learned to use them to my fullest abilities. I suppose being a more "sensitive" person isn't so bad when you have the right tools. So along with my prayers, giving thanks everyday, law of attraction, faith that better things were meant for me, love of a good man, great family, wonderful friends, a refuge from the crazy world I call home & now Twitter, I will be just fine. =) My search for peace, health & happiness continues....

Ama ya

Namaste

Flapping Grouse: THE SKEENA BOYS

Flapping Grouse: THE SKEENA BOYS

So now what?

Today, as yesterday I find myself somewhat troubled and annoyed. It could be the fact that I have a cold & feel slightly miserable. I think it is that and a combination of some other things. All the things that I have going on in my "mind's eye" as well as in the real world.

With all the hubba-balloo going on downtown with the Olympics, I find myself less annoyed at the change it has put on the city but more annoyed that I have no job, no money or anyone with money to take me around to see all the cool things the Olympics has to offer. I probably could take in some of the free stuff, but like I said before, I have a stinkin' cold. After being unable to visit with friends throughout my schooling, I have found that a majority of them have altogether given up on asking me to do things with them anymore so there's even less chance that I can go and enjoy the shows with people.

So, here I am in my apartment with the four walls to look at (as my Zeets/Grandmother would say) and my cat & dog running amok in the place, jumping on tables and creating a mess as usual. Today I am less than motivated to even stop them let alone get up and see what they have gotten into. I often wished for the life of a pampered pet, or even just a pet like mine. Just wake up, play, get a rub down, get fed and you even have a silly human who will clean up the poops & pees whether its in a litter box or a plastic bag with cute paw print decorations on it. (Yeah, that makes it easier to pick up doggy doo) Ah, the carefree life of a pet. What was the point of this again? I forget...

Anyway, back to my life. So I went to a great office to see my potential new work place. The meeting seemed to go great. He was a charming & happy man who had the personality of someone I would love to work for. Not to mention all the amenities I need as a fresh new RMT. Basically I would just show up for work and all I need to do is help with a load of laundry here & there as well as buy my own lotions or oils. He seemed to be asking for a steep amount of my pay though. I have talked it over with some of my former classmates, and they would be paying 5% less than I would be but included in my rent would be half the cost of the business cards as well as all my debit & credit charges. So I'm thinking its not a bad deal, and he is willing to re-negotiate after a few months to a flat rate rent. With a great laid-back atmosphere, a clinic owner who does not mind my nose septum piercing & will let me do my treatments wearing Lulu Lemon pants, I think I scored. Not to mention he loves the fact that I am First Nations and suggests I work that angle since there's such a high First Nations population on the North Shore. The more I think about it, the more my gut tells me this is the perfect fit for me. I think my over anxious mind makes things a lot more complicated than they seem.

Now all I need to do is confirm that all my affairs are in order & I can receive my registration number. Any day now guys, seriously...not like I need to pay rent or eat or anything! I think it's more having my future in limbo with things "in the works" but nothing confirmed that has me so uneasy. I think I would be a much happier camper if I knew I had a job that I would be starting in the very near future! I'm not the kind of person who takes well to uncertainty. All the little things have my stomach in knots. I sure hope that I can figure all of this stuff out sooner than later. I want to get back to my nice, calm, zen, grateful & (somewhat) worry free self.

Ama ya

Namaste

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And Then There were Words.

Today I followed my father's lead in starting a blog.....let's see what this baby brings me. I am thinking this would have been a great thing to start while I was at school, grudgingly trying to complete an intense, life consuming program to become a Registered Massage Therapist (RMT)

I can happily say that the nearly 3 year ordeal is over, and I am a new graduate & brand spankin' new RMT. Now, the search for a perfect new clinic to set up shop in. I must say, in the few weeks that I have been job searching I learned a thing or two. Namely that I went from being a "senior" at school to a nursery school baby in the RMT work force. That being said, I am very confident in my skills & look forward to a wonderful new career that will hopefully bring new joys to my life.

So far I have gone for an interview at a beautiful clinic that seems to offer MOST of the things that I want in my practice. All was going well until the older lady who very much reminded me of an instructor at school that had control issues with what seemed to be a very stressful life (usually made clear by her continuous outbreak of "fever blisters") said in a round-a-bout way that she didn't want a Therapist who would just show up for the patients and leave the clinic as soon as the patients were done, she wanted someone who would love the place as much as they did - ok, ok, so I may be suffering from a bit of transference, but do I really want to be at a place where I feel like I am going to be judged if I don't want to sit around for an hour drinking tea, and talking about somato-emotional release? I think that may not be the place for me. I also went to see a young lady about a possibility of a job massaging poker players at some local casinos. Although the pay was not as great as a clinic, the tips & fun atmosphere was what pulled me in. I told her to keep me in mind for some on call shifts. However, I think she may have been more interested in learning about my fiance, and why not? He's very very very cute :) I'm using the law of attraction to draw in my dream job for which, coincidentally I have the interview tomorrow. A beautiful place in West Vancouver that has ALL the thing I want in a clinic (to my limited knowledge) as well as what seems to be a wonderful owner. Not to mention his absolute excitement at his discovery that I was First Nations. *Fingers crossed* let's hope this job works out for yours truly.

I dare say this is but scratching the surface of my crazy yet boring to me life, but I would not want to bore my non-existent following by making the blog too long about and about nothing. Here's hoping that the Olympics open up a new world of excitement to me & I can find more things to do than complain about them, what they have done to the city, the homeless, and how the government could have better spent ALL the money - how about next time lower some tuition costs or put it towards some great medical studies, treatment options & I'm sure no hospitals would refuse some new fangled gadget that would save many lives & cut wait times.....

Ama ya

Namaste

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